RELATIONSHIPS.

My opinions, Tips?? , 7 things that are vital, Toxic relationships, some relationship advice plus things we love and hate in relationships.

My opinions

I feel like people be having terrible endings to their relationships because they be with people they aren’t compatible with and be trying to make it last just because of history or because they’re comfortable with each other.

Some of y’all be getting in relationships just to be in one, and it always ends with someone being hurt because the other one really didn’t care for you or love you like you needed them too.

I thought relationships were supposed to be something exclusive like V.I.P. nobody can touch your partner because they’re yours and you’re theirs and y’all truly love each other, y’all got trust, loyalty, freak nasty sex and are only fucking each other, can tell each other anything and can be honest too and will appreciate it. Looks weren’t such a big thing for some it was really your personality that mattered and what y’all both bring to the table. Y’all would do anything to keep it healthy and alive because y’all love each other and really care for each other, it’s something that y’all both want and it’s mutually beneficial.

But today? THAT’S RARE. He gotta have a long list of mostly unimportant things that only you benefit from and you don’t bring anything but some fucking pussy and cheap ass alfredo sauce from the jar. Like, girl go head. He be wanting you to be his “girl” because he heard you got good pussy and don’t want nobody to hit it while he hitting it and you want him to be your “man” because you know he swanging and got hella followers on Instagram, his own car, and some money. And as soon as you find that out you want him to buy you all this unnecessary shit that you couldn’t buy yourself and then get mad when he throw you under the bus when y’all break up.

You mean to tell me you want him to pay for everything you were paying for before you met him ON TOP OF what bills and fees he’s already paying for also before he met you and you think it’s right because y’all DATING??? Whew, y’all bold. And stupid as hell. That man is not a bank, he shouldn’t be paying for that whenever you need it done, those are things you pay for yourself because I thought you we’re grown, I thought you have the money to pay for the things that you want and need. Why would put yourself in the position to depend on a man when you really don’t need too. It’s not cute at all, it’s actually sickening because, y’all girls who do that go on and on about how y’all are independent and this that but when y’all get cuffed it’s “my man pays for my nails, he paid for this too, and that.” it’s okay when he actually offers to pay for it but if you’re asking him every time then bitch it’s a problem. If the relationship isn’t mutually beneficial then why the fuck are you in one? How would you feel if every time your man needs a hair cut, needs a new game or a new outfit and shoes that he was asking you? I promise you the feeling is not the same. Y’all really gotta chill on that. That’s some leeching ass, broke ass hoe type shit. LAME.

Relationships can also be about sacrifice sometimes. Sometimes you gotta sacrifice going out with your girls to spend some great quality time with your man and vice versa. Or not wearing that cute outfit you been dying to wear because you know it would make your significant other upset, or knowing not to spend too much money this week because you know it’s date night and you promised to pay this time. Sometimes these small things can seem so large when dating because it’s something so simple when you’re single, but it’s not just about you anymore, you have to think about your partner when it comes to all things.

Most the time it’s the small things that piss you the fuck off anyways like when they don’t call or text you right back like they said they would. Or sleeping with the fan on when you like it off, eating the last of your food,not liking and blowing up your posts as soon as you post it on social media.

It’s about what you make time for, like you need to be making time with your partner and I’m not talking about pulling up to her house for five seconds while you roll up and then leave talking about you gotta go see your guys, or after you get home from work and you spend two minutes talking before you shower and go to sleep. LIKE damn spend some time with your partner, don’t make any excuses either. We grown, yes we all fucking work, we all have responsibilities, we all got things to fucking handle and do. Like I’m asking you to take time out of your busy day and spend it with me. It doesn’t have to be anything big, just something simple, like come watch a few episodes of a Netflix before we pass out on the couch or end up fucking. Let’s go watch the stars at night, let’s do something other than argue or talk about shit we want to do and end up not doing it. And if y’all got kids, get a babysitter real quick so y’all can spend some time together. If you really want to make the relationship last long, and be healthy, spice things up from time to time, surprise her, surprise him too. It really is the little things that count the most sometimes.

Tips when looking for a partner:

Be sure that a relationship is what you want. You might be looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, but are you even sure that a relationship is what you want? Are you sure that you want everything that comes with a relationship.. Good and bad. Or are you just looking for someone to fuck, or cuddle with, someone to just be around. Whatever it is you’re looking for make sure you’re ready for it.

And if you’re just getting out of a relationship the worst thing you could do is jump back into one. Trying to get over your ex with a new person does not help. It actually smothers you further. You need to have time in between to really get closure from the last one and heal from the last one. Take some time for you in between. Love on yourself before you try to love others. Actually, to fully love someone truly, you need to love yourself so that you can love your partner better.

Say what you want in a relationship up front before you start dating that person. This goes for both parties. Be clear about it and don’t move forward with it if they don’t have what you want. Although, it’s tempting because they’re cute or because you’ve been single for a while the worst thing to do it rush into it just to say you have a boyfriend. Nothing really comes from that you would actually be taking a few steps backwards instead.

Wanna fuck two bitches at a time? Say you like threesomes and you want your partner to be down with that. You got kids? Multiple babies mothers or daddies? Say that shit up front. You want kids soon? Say that shit up front. You celibate and you want a celibate partner? Say that shit. You don’t smoke or drink and having a partner who does will bother you, trigger you or simply turn you off? Say that shit. You want them to have their own car and place like you do. SAY THAT SHIT. Be fucking crystal clear in what you want and don’t settle for less because they cute, got good dick or a big dick, got good pussy, clean pussy. SO what. If they ain’t got what you want in a relationship don’t do it! That causes arguments, nagging, and so much other unnecessary shit.

Definitely make sure he likes you more than you like him. Because then you will know that he’s going to be faithful, he’s gonna be honest with you, he’s going to give you the attention you want and deserve as his girl, he’s going to care for you differently because he REALLY likes you, and you know that he’s not going anywhere and the only way that y’all would break up is on your end. But don’t take that shit for granted and be fucking around on him just because you think he ain’t going nowhere. That’s weak bitch activity. IF YOUR MAN IS BEING LOYAL, FAITHFUL AND HONEST and you take advantage of that? You’re dumb as hell.

That’s how guys hearts get broke because they were being loyal to you and you were cheating on him. You prayed for a loyal man which is already hard to find and you fucked it up for yourself sneaking around with Q, Tyree, Karon, and Darrien while in a relationship with Isiah. That’s when guys start going around saying fuck bitches, fuck love and be dogging girls all because of you and your unloyal ass. Why pray for something you ain’t even want? Why you pray for something and then don’t prepare yourself for it?

If you know that like stepping outside of your relationship for sex or attention, why are you in one? If you know that the vibe changes on your end, and you not feeling being in a relationship no more or him for that matter then speak the fuck up, tell him wassup because either way, he’s going to find out eventually and it could’ve ended way better or smoother if you would have been honest, he would’ve appreciated it A LOT more with you telling the truth versus finding out that his girlfriend, the one who he thought was loyal and could trust been sneaking around with other guys. You know that shit hurts when it happens to you so why put someone in those same shoes you were once in? It makes no sense.

And that’s why it’s so hard in the dating world now, everybody wanna be everything but what they’re supposed to be in a relationship. And it becomes a constant circle of nobody actually wanting to date because of the same shit that keeps happening.

Be sure that a relationship is what you want. If you’re just getting out of a relationship the worst thing you could do is jump back into one. You need to have time in between to really get closure from the last one and heal from the last one. Take some time for you in between. Love on yourself before you try to love others. Actually, to fully love someone truly, you need to love yourself so that you can love your partner better.

When your crushing on someone and are debating whether to make a move or not. Really take some time to get to know this person, don’t rush it. Become their friend, ask a lot of questions over time, see where their head is at. See if they like the same things you do.

There are 7 key components regarding a relationship, A healthy relationship

TIME.

-How much time are you spending with your partner? Like real quality time. Time that you set apart to be specifically with your partner. This makes your partner to feel important, you’re spending the most time with the person you like/love.

HONESTY.

-Being honest in a relationship is something that should come automatic. Although it’s something simple, so many people have failed to keep up with this part of the relationship. You should value your partner enough to be honest with them.

LOYALTY & FAITHFULNESS.

-Two things that go hand and hand. If you don’t have one you don’t have the other. Are you loyal to your partner? To be loyal means to be faithful and to be Faithful you to be dependable, responsible,consistent and devoted. Do these things describe you in a relationship?

COMMUNICATION.

-Being able to communicate with your partner really means telling them how you feel no matter what. If you know that it’s something that y’all are gonna argue about or it’s a touchy subject then set some time aside to personally talk about this, and do whatever y’all need to, Argue, cry, talk. Do whatever to solve the problem of miscommunication because that can be a huge problem and cause relationships to end.

SEX.

-Sex is different for every couple, some couples have to have it. It helps them bond and grow as a couple. Others it’s optional and they rely on other things like spending time with each other and doing other things to fill the void of sex.

LOVE.

-This is something you yearn for in a relationship and something that’s eventually said in longer relationships. It’s built over time, and should be taken seriously, it’s cherished and not taken for granted.

MONEY. You can’t have love without money whether you want to admit it or not, it’s eventually needed.

Toxic Relationships: how to know when it’s toxic and becoming too toxic,

What is a toxic relationship? This can be different for many based on the events that happened in your relationship. But, a toxic relationship is a relationship that is now troublesome where as when it first started it was beautiful and your feelings for each other where strong.

[some technical definitions]

“A toxic relationship contaminates your self-esteem, your happiness and the way you see yourself and the world. A toxic person will float through life with a trail of broken hearts, broken relationships and broken people behind them, but toxic relationships don’t necessarily end up that way because the person you fell for turned out to be a toxic one. Relationships can start healthy, but bad feelings, bad history, or long-term unmet needs can fester, polluting the relationship and changing the people in it. It can happen easily and quickly, and it can happen to the strongest people.” -https://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-relationship-15-signs/

“Toxic relationships can be caused by two polar opposite personality types. The toxicity is caused by the incompatibility of the persons involved in the relationship. In some cases, there is no one necessarily to blame for the toxicity; rather, the toxicity is caused by the inability to commune and establish healthy boundaries, conversations, and communication.” -https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/towards-recovery/201709/toxic-relationships

It’s because y’all are two polar opposites. You need to find someone who is right for you, not based off their looks, not based off of their clothing style. It needs to be based off of their personality, do they have the things you like and vise versa, do they see things they way you do? ALSO vise versa. Being polar opposites causes a purely bad and very worrisome relationship and, over time things become very unhealthy very quickly from that. Toxic relationships can prevent y’all from living a productive and healthy life.

So, now that you technically know what a toxic relationship IS, let’s figure out how to know when your relationship IS toxic and how to know that it’s becoming too toxic for you.

When you first notice signs that something is different, or when you realize that things are different in your relationship at that point it’s time to sit down and talk with your partner. See where your heads are at? Do y’all still want the relationship? Are y’all happy? Is there something that y’all need to talk about that was never discussed? If you still want to be with them then make this necessary.

I’m going to put this simply, there are signs, will be signs for you to know that your relationship is toxic. Red flags as some say, and that’s where you wanna pay attention because that's where shit starts to go left and if you ignore them now it will be worse later on. Being aware of those signs will cause you to protect yourself from a broken heart, and it makes it easier to leave in the end. Although leaving them might not be a walk in the park, knowing these things will help you to reclaim your power, get your shine back,smile bright again and heal yourself. A toxic relationship is defined by the consistency, the damage, the intensity and the pain caused.

Here are the signs:

Not practicing acts of self love.

Showing yourself love is vital for a healthy relationship, because when your love yourself, you can show your partner love and it will be easy. You’re taking care of yourself you feel good, when you feel good you can make each other feel good. If you’re neglecting time by yourself constantly for your partner then that’s a sign that it’s starting to become toxic. They want you to be up under them all the time that’s super needy or dropping your schedule for them is also another sign. They don’t want you to do for them and not for you. It’s a game and that’s why you sometimes see the guy in the relationship looks good while the girl looks ran down on energy, and like she needs a three week vacation.

When your partner keeps shutting you down when you want to bring up what’s been bothering you.

A healthy relationship with your partner includes you being open to hearing each other's thoughts and feedback. Y’all should want to see each other happy and should want to communicate to keep each other happy.

Feeling Drained

When you are around your partner and you always feel emotionally, mentally and physically drained instead of happy and productive then you’re in need of a change.

NO Trust

Always having to explain yourself even in easy or at non needed times.

Imbalances

Everything is one sided, never really having the help of your partner when you really want/need it.

Hostility or a hostile atmosphere.

Using traits to make you feel scared or unsafe.

Persistent unreliability.

When your partner is never available when you need them time after time, they disappoint you. But when they need you, you’re always there for them.

Corner cutting. Trying to do things quickly just to get them done even quicker. So it won’t come up anymore or so that y’all won't argue about it anymore.

Criticism.

Lies

Unhappy.

Are they making you unhappy? Usually when you see your partner Joyus emotions roll over you not negative, scary, or sad emotions.

Controlling. Trying to control everything you do, making seem as if you have to do it that way, and there is no other way to do it.

No communication

Negative energy

Continued disrespect. Not respecting you for who you are, what you do, the things you do, the acts you provide for the relationship or y’alls kids (if applicable)

Being avoided

Feeling lonely. Like your partner doesn’t see you, care for you, love you, like you’re in the relationship by yourself.

Lowered your standards. PUTTING UP WITH SHIT YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T BUT YOUR ARE ANYWAYS.

Never ending drama. Last time I checked, relationships are supposed to better you not make you or your situation worse.

Feeling unworthy. Feeling like you aren’t worthy of love or that you aren’t worth anything is a lie, and don’t convince yourself otherwise.

Feeling trapped. By having kids, or like you’re nothing without him, that he’s going to come after you after you leave, that he’s going to hurt you if you leave.

Abuse (mentally,physically or emotionally) a person who continually puts their hands on you or, says words about you that aren’t true are just a reflection of them NOT YOU, don’t settle for this kind of activity no matter how little it is.

Brings out the worst in you. Triggering your triggers that makes you angry, cry, sad, or do shit you don’t like to do or aren’t supposed to be doing anymore.

You know that this relationship has become too toxic for you when it affects other things in your life such as: your kids (if you have any), your family,your car, your home, your work life, YOUR HEALTH, your money, your thoughts, and when you look in the mirror and you become unrecognizable. All the pain and trauma you’ve endured in this relationship has definitely taken a toll on you and there comes a time where in your life when you have to be done. Not angry, not fed up, just done. Done with the way you’ve been treated, done with the way he/ she acts, done with them portraying their negative traits onto you, Done with not recognizing yourself, done with the abuse, the lies, done with lying to yourself saying that you’re okay, done with putting up shit you said you never would but did anyways, done with letting him have control over you, done with everything this relationship has caused you, done with how far and bad things have gotten. It’s time to shake it off. Time to reclaim your power, time to get your shine back, time to show motherfuckers who you are, time to smile again and it would be a real smile. Time to get that fucking money, stack that fucking money and achieve things off of your vision board and achieve your goals. Time to never look back. Time to know better next time and Time to heal, from all the bullshit that served to you like a fucking breakfast platter. Time to feel good, time to do something for you, time to think for yourself, time to do something you’ve never done before, time to get your privacy back. Time to be beautiful again.

When there’s other things distracting you two from spending time together, whether that be kids, work, someone else on the side or a new project. It’s already hard to see what you want for yourself while you’re in a relationship because you’re thinking about your partner. It’s not always easy to remember what you want and who you are in a relationship. You start to lose yourself, forgetting to make yourself happy. There’s a lot of shit you put up in a relationship and honestly putting up with that is easier than breaking up with them But, you have to realize that your happiness and mental health is important and honestly, there’s nothing wrong with admitting the relationship has run its course and staying in the relationship is doing you no good. Even if at this point right now you can’t grasp the fact that this person won’t be in your life anymore in due time you will be able to finally see that the relationship was toxic as hell. All the unnecessary arguments, suspicion, lies, cheating, abuse (emotional,mental or physical), jealousy, criticism and avoiding each other because you don’t wanna talk about whatever it is.

A toxic partner might turn things around on you constantly and blame you for the things that aren’t really your fault. Like when their feelings are hurt, they’re going to blame you. When something didn’t go their way they blame you. And i find that they never really apologize for blaming you, they just want you to accept it and convince yourself that you did it just to soothe them. But, it could go both ways too, we often look at how they are affecting us and treating us but we need to also think of how we affect them too and how we’re treating them. Playing the blame game isn’t helpful either, just admit your wrongs, and go from there.

Relationship Advice:

I’m in no space to give anybody relationship advice because I'm single than a dollar bill OKAYYYYY! But, all I have to say is take the time to really talk. If y’all are in a serious committed relationship then from time to time I’d advise y’all set some time aside to talk to each other. Especially if y’all been together for awhile, it’s easy to just go on and on because y’all are comfortable with each other but when problems arise, when something happens that one of y’all don’t like or when y’all notice changes talk about it. Having that open line of communication between you two will make it easier for y’all and will strengthen your relationship.

Also, trust each other, unless they’ve given you a reason not too. But don’t hang onto that broken trust, you have to let it go and learn to gain their trust again because hanging onto that will also break your relationship.

You must Respect each other.

Things we Love and Hate in a relationship;

Love: the Sex, freedom of freakiness , the affecition, the kindness, spending time with them,

cuddling and sleeping next to them at night, kissing them, loving them, doing and experiencing new things with them

Hate: we hate arguing, disagreeing with our partners, lying or being lied too, cheating or being cheated on, the predictability of knowing when something’s wrong or when something bad is about to happen between you two.

Lastly, all I have to say is, if you’ve been in a terrible relationship, please choose a better partner next time, you must know what you want now and it can’t possibly be the same type of person you were last with. Please consider other factors than their looks. And don’t confine yourself to having a ‘type’ because when you have a type you get stuck with the SAME type of person time and time again. Trust me, that one time you try someone new it will be a different experience.

Thanks for reading this today!, leave your comment below! Heart this if you enjoyed it and share with someone who needs to read this!!!

-Love Haze, A single girl who’s been in a relationship before.