RELATIONSHIPS part 2

Healing from a toxic relationship, Living with your partner before marriage, Being abstinent until marriage, trust issues (going thru your partner's phone & stalking them on social media), Going to church together, and tips on how to approach your crush

Healing from a toxic relationship

So, in Relationships part one I talked a lot about toxic relationships, how to figure out that you’re in one, signs that your relationship is turning into one and how that can affect your relationship and now I’m gonna talk about how to heal from it if you’ve been exposed to that.

Most the time when your relationship was toxic, you’ve been with that person for a while and shit just got old and took a turn for the worst. You’ve been putting up with shit you know you shouldn’t have but did anyway for whatever fucking reason and now you’re drained and just simply fed up with the shit. After all of that, you need time to heal. Time to spend by yourself, get your glow back. Read that shit again.

That part is crucial because if you never heal from it, you never give yourself time to address how you really feel about whatever happened or whatever went wrong in your relationship. I’m not saying dwell on it, because that’s actually the worst thing you could do. But you need to truly face how you feel and be honest about it. At this moment, try journaling, it’s an effective way to say how you feel without actually feeling like you’re burdening someone with your “same ol” relationship problems or feel like you’re talking their head off. But, IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED THERAPY GO TO FUCKING THERAPY. I would also try focusing on your craft. Whatever it is that you do, you now need to take more time doing it. If you’re an artist, draw a few pieces to get yourself back into your groove.

Love on you! Look in the mirror and speak positive affirmations about yourself. “I am beautiful, I love me, I am smart,” and say some things that you know would help you feel good. “I am a bad bitch, I am a bad bitch, I don’t cry over niggas, I’m over him, I am THAT bitch PERIOD” READ THAT SHIT AGAIN! I said speak positive affirmations about YOU! That makes YOU feel good about you! Forget about that no good dude who made you feel less than. He just ain’t know what he had and ain’t know how to treat you, care for you, or love you correctly and don’t take that out on yourself. It’s his fault for mistreating you BUT take that as a lesson to find a better guy next time. (go back to RELATIONSHIPS part one and read the part about finding a partner)

Healing from a toxic relationship really takes time so sis, please don’t rush it and PLEASE don’t jump into another relationship after that. Trust me, I know from experience, that is not the move. It only ends up delaying you, pushing your self-love and healing back completely, and if you’re anything like me then you know it was one hell of a distraction. A fine ass distraction but, still a distraction. Remain focused on loving you, your goals and moving forward with your life. It will be beneficial to you in the long run and if he calls you don’t answer. You should have his number deleted and/or blocked by now!

I felt like this was important to say as well, after being single for so long and it be just you for a while, it’s kind of scary getting back out into the dating world because everyone seems iffy and you’re definitely not trusting them. You don’t want to get the same type of guy you had in the past because let’s be real, they’re always nice and treat you good in the beginning. The real test is to see how he treats you a few months later to a year, if y’all last that long.

But don’t cripple yourself with staying single forever because you’ve convinced yourself that every dude is a fuck boy and every girl is a liar or whatever. You end up hurting yourself and convincing yourself that you’re not worthy of love or a relationship based off of one person mistreating you. There are definitely guys or girls who are ready to sweep you off your feet and those are the ones who find you.

Before you move to any level after holding a basic conversation or some type of flirting, question them about every fucking thing. 21 question that motherfucker, and don’t be ashamed about it either because nowadays people don’t ask enough questions and be surprised about the type of person they are when you could’ve been known wassup if you would’ve just asked. If they have certain habits or do a few things that you literally cannot accept, then it’s onto the next ( for ex. Having a car like you do, having an apartment like you do, having a job or some form of income) But don’t dub them because they work at the same place your ex used to. And if you find yourself in a new relationship definitely don’t compare them to your ex, or call them out on simple things that aren’t even necessary. That right there is how you know you weren’t ready for a relationship and could very so end up pushing your new and different partner away. When it could have blossomed into something beautiful if you let it.

The goal is that you find a partner different from your last. Don’t confine yourself to a certain type of dude, because that’s how you end up with the same shit happening to you.

Living with your partner before Marriage

I used to be old school with this topic and it’s kind of a touchy subject because either way people are going to do what feels right for them but, I always thought that living with your partner was considered “shacking up” as my parents would say and that it’s a sin. Whereas now, I still sometimes feel this way but I also look at it from this way too. When you live with your partner, you learn them, their living habits, the things they do and don’t do. You get to see if they are as clean as they claim to be, and so on an so forth. I kind of feel like if you skip this part when dating and end up marrying them you find out later rather than sooner and now you stuck with a dirty ass dude because every time you come over he would clean up before you came over.

But, all in all, I believe that when living with your partner that y’all need to keep a direct line of communication because otherwise one of y’all or even both of y’all gone be suffering in silence, or just argue everyday over little shit and it could end up hurting y’all in the end. Speaking up when there’s something you don’t like being done or when your partner isn’t keeping up their end of the bargain is important. Don’t complain, don’t nag, don’t start an argument because that’s not solving the problem. Simply talk with them and tell them wassup, be honest with them and work it out from there.

Also, both of y’all need to discover some roles of how this apartment, condo or house is going to run. Who’s in charge of cooking ( if y’all both can just take turns), who’s going to take the trash out, who’s going to clean on this day (definitely take turns so your partner doesn’t feel drained or unappreciated), who’s going to pay which bill and so on and so forth. The house is going to be running well when everyone has roles they are doing and doing them well right along with communication. And when one of y’all starts slacking, don’t slack with them. Motivate them to do better, help them get up and remind them of the roles they’re supposed to be doing. It’s better to do it in black and white so y’all have something to reference back to and help y’all stay on track.

Living with your partner can be a beautiful thing ( I assume). I assume that it helps y’all understand each other better, make y’all love grow stronger and mend into one. Buy no doubt there will be challenges along the way. I have no idea what living with your partner is like and I lowkey would like to experience it, but then again, I don’t know…

I never thought about how awkward it would be to go from living separately on our own while dating and engaged to now just living together as a married couple and having to learn one another, you’re stuck with whatever you get - at least for the next few years. And they claim that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Living together would bridge the gap of awkwardness and make living together as a married couple less intimidating and actually more exciting to see what the future holds as a married couple.

And I couldn’t imagine getting into a fight with your partner while y’all live together. That would have to be the most annoying thing to want space after a fight and you have to go back home with your partner who’s currently getting on your last fucking nerve. BUT If y’all dating to marry then TAKE YA ASS BACK IN THERE AND GO BE MAD IN OTHER ROOM. Stop quitting or saying that you’re ready to leave your partner after one little argument, that right there shows them that you actually don’t even wanna be with them anymore. And if you feel that way then speak the fuck up, don’t drag them along just because you’re comfortable.

That’s honestly fucked up and you know damn well if your man felt that way about you that you would rather them tell you, that shit hurts when you find out that they haven’t felt a way about you for a while when you’re still feeling them very strong.

This definitely applies to longer relationships, y’all need that reassurance to show each other that yes I still a way about you, I still fucking love you, I still wanna be with you. That shit feels good, makes the heart grow fond for them.

Being abstinent until marriage

Do y’all still believe in this?? I feel like in today’s world, saving yourself for marriage is some old fashion shit forreal. The ideal thought behind it was to save yourself for “the one” and when y’all get married he’s the only one you’re supposed to be busting it wide open for. It’s supposed to be special, you’re only supposed to let one person hit it the rest of your life and that’s it. You’re supposed to protect your coochie like it’s a one of one golden egg and the same for y’all peen peen, you’re supposed to protect it and care for it. Just don’t let anybody play with it. Protect it like its a 1960 valuable baseball card.

I don’t know who started fucking before marriage and told everybody it was cool but, now everybody and they mama doing it and it’s so normalized today that virgins are looked at like aliens and couple who practice not having sex before they marry are looked at sideways. And everyone is entitled to an opinion but, I feel like in today's world it’s okay to do whatever the fuck they chose to do in their relationship without being scorned about it. Like everybody today is so curious about everything and see, we wanna know what they got going on before we’re stuck with this person for life or for however long. Which why we be fucking in our relationships before we get married, and most the time we like what we get, matter of fact we love it, we be stuck on that freak nasty shit. That’s why we be calling our boyfriends zaddy and impregnating their girlfriends after fucking them once or a few times.

Sometimes, I feel like it’s a thing of the past and sometimes I feel like this still needs to be practiced to show that having sex isn’t really a requirement for all relationships, some people can actually go without it, to be honest.

Trust Issues (going thru your partner's phone & stalking them on social media)

This subject is so touchy because you could have trust issues for many different reasons. From your partner cheating on you and lying to you about it and other things. But honestly, I feel like Trust Issues are baggage that you’re just carrying around. I’m not saying go around trusting everybody, but you shouldn’t hurt your new and different partner based on your ex’s actions and how they did you.

Trust is like a golden treasure, it’s hard to find, hard to get and definitely hard to maintain. People act like once they have your trust that it can’t be broken and they use that as an advantage and that’s when they got you fucked up and why you have problems with trusting people. Because someone took advantage of the trust you had for them.

That one person is not everybody. Like just because that one person took advantage of your trust doesn’t mean everyone else will or that your next partner will. And, if you find that it keeps happening to you,then you need to take a look at who you’re accepting as your partner and what kind of person they are. You need to be paying special attention to their actions, how they talk to you and the people around them, pay attention to how they treat you and also, you need to take a look at yourself. What are you allowing them to do or what shit are you allowing to slide for them to take advantage of your trust. And it honestly be the little things that start to add up over time. And each time it gets bigger and bigger, the shit they try to do and then drag it talking about “ you trust me don’t you?” just so they can look good and get away with it. But we be so “in love” and so “dickmatized” so “stuck on pussy” that we sometimes can’t even see the signs that are right in our face. And when we look back at that shit, it hurts our feelings, makes us feel dumb at the shit we allowed and we say never again, but here comes this new person and you hope and pray they ain’t like yo ex, just for them to sometimes end up just like them…. Sometimes you get lucky.

All in all, I think you need to be aware of the signs that you didn’t see before but are now aware of with the new person. When or if you see them start to fuck up, address it right then because if not then you’re gonna end up right in that same situation. And I hate when a nigga tries to call you crazy for checking them, like oh well, Ima be crazy then cuz I’m not getting hurt anymore, I’d rather be single if you think you gone fucking play with me like that. I’m not letting anything slide baby boy. Play with your dick, not me!

Speaking of playing, ain’t it so fun going through your man's phone?? SIKE. that shit ain’t fun, it’s actually lowkey scary because you praying you don’t find nothing but the whole reason you even considered looking through it was that you thought he was acting different. And then if you do find something you consider how you should react. But, isn’t it scary how once you find out your man been up to no good, you see him differently than before, it’s like he’s a completely different person. His looks change and everything. I swear to goodness. I think the best way to react to on how to confront him when you find shit in his phone is to play dumb, get your evidence and then roll out the facts to him and present him with two options on how to solve it. I find that when you just pop off on him right then and there, of course, he’s going to get mad because now he thinks you don’t trust him (which you don’t) and then y’all are going to argue and then he’s either going to leave, go hulk smash when he finds out that you got his phone or lie and try to convince you that it’s all a lie and that it didn’t happen because of whatever fucking reason just to calm you down and then tries to dick you down to make you forget about what you saw and try to remind that he’s still yours and that he loves you and is loyal. The second option is a waste of time and honestly, gives him a reason to be more secretive about it rather then if you come to him with a plan, he’s still going to try to lie but, the outcome will be different. (don’t take my word for it, he’s your nigga sis, not mines.)

Don’t even get me started on stalking your partner on social media. Now, that shit is fun!! BUT, it becomes time-consuming and possessive after awhile. Got you staring at the pic for minutes or replaying his story hella times tryna figure out his location and who he’s with and who are liking and commenting on his shit. Why he did this or that and trying to track him based off of his social media like sis if you’re that pressed call him and ask him what he’s doing, who he’s with and all that, you make yourself look like a crazy stalker or some shit tryna do all that.

What started off to be something as simple as watching their story or liking their picture can turn into you finding something you weren’t even looking for and you definitely don’t like what you see and that gives you more reason to check back every single time and who has time for that? That’s how you end up stressing yourself and creating an addiction that could’ve been avoided completely and that’s lame sis, NEVER stress yourself over a nigga who’s already doing him because let me tell you something. He’s going to do him regardless, whether that means him actually being loyal, honest and trusting with you because he actually wants to or, him dragging, flirting and leading to him cheating and giving you reasons to question him. When you figure out that he’s doing him KEEP THAT SAME ENERGY, do you sis! Go flirt, put on them pants that make ya ass clap, put on that outfit that makes you look bomb as fuck! Wash your face, count your money, make sure you always got money in the bank and the stash, and gas in the whip. Make sure you good even when he acting funny. Let him do whatever because if he really loves you/ likes you he's gone be loyal, he’s never going to give you a reason to question him about something or have you wondering where he at or what he’s doing. AND THAT’S JUST THAT ON THAT!

If you feel like you’re about to get caught up with looking at all his social media’s for whatever reason, just get off of social media. Go read a book, watch a Netflix or Hulu movie or series. Do something more worthy of your time rather than stalking this nigga on his every move. For all that you shoulda went with him. When you spend all your time on a nigga, you start to forget about you, and you’re declining trying to keep up with him while he continues to look good cuz he’s doing whatever with whoever. It’s never that serious.

Going to church with your partner

I feel like if y’all both on the same page with believing in God (or whoever) then y’all should go to church together. Going together not only grows your walk with Christ alone but with your partner, it’s a new level, you now have someone to pray with, read and study the bible with, motivate you and encourage you in your walk with Christ. It ends up being beneficial for both of you in the long run and something both of y’all should consider if y’all don’t already do it.

Your separate time with God is important as well, you still need to make time for yourself to fellowship with God, because he should always come first over everything. Don’t make it a habit to only fellowship with Him when you’re with your partner, I find that you become dependent on that time and forget about having your own time with God which is not ideal.

How to approach your crush

When thinking of approaching your crush, have these three things in mind. Be confident not cocky. Be honest, and always be yourself. This may be your first time talking to them so present yourself correctly FROM THE JUMP. And if they don’t like you then fuck ‘em, it’s on the next. Simple as that. Never take it personal, it’s their loss not yours. In the words of Lizzo “you coulda had a bad bitch,” and that’s the bottom line.

That's it y'all! Heart this if you enjoyed it and comment below! let's chat!!! Thank you for your support and, don't forget to share!!